Please I'm sorry
by Aki WildQueen
Summary: AU of Starlight Darknight. What was going on in Harry's mind as he was chained in the dungeons? Before he thought of more happy memories? Hints of LVHP


Disclaimer: My name is not J. K. Rowling. I don't own Harry Potter and I never will.

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AN: I was really angsting when I was writing this. Totally depressed. I will try to get back to writing Starlight Darknight. I've just been really busy. I just took the evil SAT today and I'm wiped out.

This is an one-shot that is an AU (alternate universe) of Starlight Darknight. This is not going to be in Starlight Darknight. (Not exactly! ^^)

Review and tell me if you liked it.

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Please. I'm sorry.

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What did I do? Was I really asking for it? I didn't mean to. Please stop. Please. I don't want anything. Just for you to stop. I don't even remember why you're mad. No, wait was it the first mission I failed you? Or was it the second? Maybe it was the third. Yes, it was the third wasn't it? I didn't mean to lose it. Really, I didn't. I said that it was an accident. It was true. I really didn't mean to lose your horcrux to Them. I wasn't expecting them to just show up and kill Severus. He was right beside me when he just fell. No warning at all. One moment he was telling me to hurry up. The next, he was crumpled in a heap on the ground. Dead.

Now you are mad. It scares me when you're mad. When anyone gets mad actually. I don't know why. This time I was terrified. Because you were angry. Really angry. You've been mad before. But this time you hurt me. A lot. So much that I thought you were going to kill me.

When I managed to ask why, you said I deserved it. That I was just asking for it.

Maybe I did deserve it. I'm a worthless child who isn't good enough. I can't seem to do anything right. I end up ruining everything.

But I don't mean to. I try to do what you ask. I'll be good.

So please, please stop. I'll be good. I won't be bad any more. Just please, please. I promise.

Oh, wait you don't trust me, do you? I promised before. I tried to keep my promise. I did. But I'm just too much of a kid. I don't want to grow up. I'm so scared. I don't think I'll survive. I'm weak and stupid. I'm slow and ignorant. I can't do anything right. If I try, I'm afraid I'll die. I'm afraid of death.

I've thought about turning my wand at me. I thought of pointing the tip of my wand at me and whispering those two dreaded words. I've even about slitting my wrists. But I'm too scared to. Your disappointment and anger. I don't want that even in death.

And death. I afraid of what's beyond that threshold. Will it just be darkness? Nothingness? Or will I be judged and sent to heaven of hell? Probably hell. Even so, I'm afraid of death.

You are fearful of it too aren't you? Your name, after all, means Flight of Death. But you can survive it. You have surpassed it.

I haven't.

I'm a coward.

I'm too scared of what will happen to me. Will there be anything at all? In the end I'm too much of a coward. I'm too scared. I hate this. I hate it. I don't want this.

I want to die and I don't want to die.

I want you to know all of my feelings and thoughts. To know my pain and sorry. But at the same time I don't want you to know. My insignificant and pathetic being is beyond you.

I deserve everything you have done to me.

I'm an insignificant little insect. I use up air and resources but give nothing back.

But please, please don't squash me. I know that everything I am good at is useless. I know that anything I'm even a little better at is only because of you. You and your tutorage. All wasted on me.

What a wretched thing I am.

How could I waste your time and effort? How could I fail you time and time again? How could I?!

I am not worth it. Can't you just let me be?

Wait! Please don't me. I don't want to be ignored. Oh please, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

I didn't mean to make you mad. Or did I want it? I don't know anymore. Was I really asking for it? Was I? I'm not anymore. I'll be good. I'll try harder. So please don't get mad. I'm just not good enough. I know I'm not good enough.

The Death Eaters are always whispering about me. About how weak I am. How stupid and annoying. How I am just a burden to you. How I can't do anything right.

I know that I'm mediocre. That I'm worthless. That I'm trash. But please don't throw me away. Please don't hurt me. All that I want is to please you. To be like you. But that's not possible.

I can't ever be as good as you. I can't. Really. I can try and try and try. But I can't I just can't.

I'm so tired. Will you be mad if I just stop? If I just give up?

What a silly question.

Of course you'll be mad. You took care of me for seventeen years. You fed me, housed me, taught me, hurt me, helped me, bled for me, screamed at me. Maybe, just maybe even loved me?

I'm yours.

Yours to hurt. Yours to play with. Yours to mold into what shape you wish.

But you're forcing in a mold I just don't fit in. I'm sorry I don't fit. I just don't think I can. Wait, I can't think can I? I would need a brain to do so. Someone as stupid as me can't possibly have a brain. I'm just too idiotic. I'm sorry I'm not fast enough. I'm sorry I'm dumb.

I don't want to disappoint you.

But I do.

So I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be. I just can't. I can't reach it. I see what you want. I see what you need. But I just can't be it. I only see what a failure I am. What a stupid idiot I am. I won't amount to anything in life.

I know you wish you had someone better. Even if you don't say it aloud, I know. I am not what you wanted. I won't ever be good enough will I? I'm sorry you had to end up with such a son, no burden, as I.

I'm so sorry. So sorry. Sorry that I'm worthless. Sorry about everything. It's all my fault. I'm sorry. So so so sorry. Please don't ignore me. Please don't hate me. Please. I'm sorry.

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AN2: If you didn't read the AN at the top know that I was really angsting when I was writing this. Totally depressed. I will try to get back to writing Starlight Darknight. I've just been really busy. I just took the evil SAT today and I'm wiped out.

This is an one-shot that is an AU (alternate universe) of Starlight Darknight. This is not going to be in Starlight Darknight. (Not exactly! ^^)

REVIEW PLEASE!

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